A few months ago I weaned off my anti-depressants. I felt accomplished, knowing that I had put in the work to recover and no longer needed my medication. I had changed my life, my mind and couldn't wait to lose the weight I had gained from being on the antidepressants.
The only thing was, none of that happened.
The weight did not come off and I did not return to my size 6 body (please do not fret, I am happy with my body and do good healthy things for it daily!) and I found myself slowly entering the depression I had thought I left behind.
I was embarrassed.
I tried to use the tools I had learned from therapy to help me stay out of the hole but I could not hear past the rolling tape in my head telling me I was a failure at everything. I knew I needed help and reached out to my therapist and my doctor. As much as I want to regulate my health naturally, I could not ignore that maybe I needed medication to keep me healthy. Like a diabetic that requires insulin to survive, so do I require my anti-depressants.
I am better on them.
It's not all sunshine and rainbows, I still have to work daily on my mindset and actions to stay healthy. Mainly, my daily affirmations, finding a better feeling place before taking action, ensuring I make an effort in my business daily, rest when my body needs it and meditate as often as possible!
I wanted to share my story with you and to know that you have to do things for yourself that feels right for you. I know there will be some people in my life that will not happy with my decision. I know they care deeply for me and want me to live a drug-free life but right now, that does not work for me. Sometimes we make decisions based on what others think and I can tell you that is a slippery slope to play on my friends (and one of the reasons I found myself depressed).
My mental health journey is far from over; as we grow we learn and then can share our experiences with others and help them grow. There are times we all find ourselves in a funk and if you feel you are in funk and need some help, hit me up. But there is a difference when you are in depression, you may experience these symptoms most of the day, nearly every day and may include:
- Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
- Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
- Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
- Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
- Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
- Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
- Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
- Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
- Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
- Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
- Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
- Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
If you feel that these symptoms describe you, please seek professional help. The first step can be making an appointment with your doctor or walking into a clinic.
It's O.K. to not be O.K. but it's not O.K. to not find help when you need it.